OTTAWA, ON
With a guaranteed loss in the upcoming federal election, the Liberal Party of Canada is stuck with just one leadership candidate – retired dairy farmer Dwayne Kehler of Schazenfeld, Manitoba.
“I’m not even a Liberal, but I’m willing to take the job,” said Kehler. “Us Mennonites are known for doing the dirty jobs no one else wants to do.”
Kehler says he’s going to take the party in a slightly different direction than his predecessor.
“Instead of carbon, we’ll be taxing knackzoat,” said Kehler. “I figure a small zoat tax, we can get the federal debt paid in no time.”
So far, Kehler has the support of 98% of Liberal members as no one else seems to want to step up and throw their hat into the ring.
“I get it, I’m just putting out a massive dumpster fire,” said Kehler. “But, hey, everyone’s got to do their part, right?”
