ALTONA, MB
Inclement spring weather has meant the closure of a number of highways that are essential to maintaining the flow of paska into the region.
“Highway 75 is closed today, sealing Mennonites off from their precious precious paska,” said local weatherman Art Toews. “Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to reach the paska on your own as you’re likely to get trapped for days on the side of the road with nothing but well-iced lemony buns.”
The impact has already been felt in Altona, Manitoba, where local Easter suppers are well-supplied with ham but are lacking in the traditional Mennonite Easter treat.
“Good thing we butchered that hog back in fall,” said Mrs. Berg. “Seems like this year we’ll have to make do with regular church faspa buns, margarine, and cold ham.”
Local police are warning Mennonites not to violate the highway closure order as emergency personnel will not be available to rescue you as they’ll be far too busy eating paska.
