MOSCOW, RUSSIA
After all the real McDonalds stores shut down this week, a new FakeDonalds is setting up shop in Russia and promises to offer a number of new menu items, including a variation on the French Canadian classic poutine.
“You can get regular fries, or for a couple extra rubles, you can upgrade to ‘Putin,’ which means we’ll let your fries sit around for a few days until they’re a sad shrivelled shadow of their former selves.”
The new Putin Fries feature only stale rotten potatoes and are smothered in tap water for that extra kick.
“It’s going to be 1983 all over again. You can even upgrade to a Super Size Coke, which features an entire cup of ice and just a drop of cola. At FakeDonald’s we always strive to put a smile on your place … because if you don’t smile we’ll send you to the Gulag.”
The new Putin Fries are already a hot seller as anyone not “voluntarily” upgrading to Putin has their name recorded and sent directly to secret police.