WATERLOO, ON
Starting this fall, hundreds of students in Waterloo, Ontario have been singing a new anthem each morning at 9 o’clock.
“First we take attendance and do the announcements, then the kids stand up and on comes ABBA!” said superintendent Martha Eby. “‘When that thumping bass of ‘Waterloo’ is heard over the PA system, it really sets the mood for the entire day.”
Teachers have been instructed to get 1970s perms and sport sequined jumpsuits to help students understand their local heritage.
“Waterloo! Couldn’t escape if I wanted to,” sang Mrs. Eby. “Waterloo! Knowing my fate is to be with you! Woo woo woo! With lyrics like that, we’re hoping we’ll retain more of our people after graduation. Toronto doesn’t have a song like this, let me tell you!”
The division has already seen grades skyrocket as a result of the changes, especially when testing early 19th century French history and 1970s Swedish pop.
(photo credit: YouTube/fair use)