MATHIS, TX
While many Americans rest in tranquil slumber with semi-automatic weapons under their pillows, Mennonites, who have traditionally been pacifists, have not always been as eager to fully embrace their Second Amendment rights. Things have changed, however, and a small group of rebel Mennos have now cut the sleeves off their T-shirts in order to “bare arms.”
“The constitution of the United States guarantees my right to wear this cut-off T-shirt,” said Sarah Epp of Mathis, Texas. “Hillary ain’t gonna seize these guns!”
For the past few months, militant Mennonites have been seen parading around city streets flexing their oiled-up biceps at passers-by.
“It’s really quite intimidating to have all those Mennonites out their flashing their weapons,” said Hoyt Willis, decked out in camo gear. “It really makes me feel unsafe to walk in a dark alley at night.”
Growing numbers of armed Mennonites are working closely with the National Rifle Association to defeat the Democrats this fall who threaten to make them wear long-sleeved shirts. They are even being courted by the Donald Trump campaign.
“Crooked Hillary is going to put in Supreme Court justices that will make you cover up your biceps and there’s nothing you can do about it…well, maybe there is…” said Trump, followed by an evil cartoon laugh.
Pundits were quick to accuse Trump of threatening Clinton, but Trump said that he was only referring to the power of the Mennonite political lobby and not to their fierce uppercuts.