WINKLER, MB
After making absolutely zero effort to enforce provincial health restrictions, a local megamart has decided to transform the store into “one of them shed churches I heard so much about.”
“We ain’t got no rules ’round here,” said Pastor Peter, manager at Winkler’s newest illegal shed church. “Well, except for one: You can’t wear a mask, but you have to wear a duak.”
The new massive shed church will be open on Sundays from 9 am to noon and again between 4 and 6 pm for the required evening service.
“As long as you’re willing to milk a few cows and change a few tractor tires, you’re welcome at our church,” said Pastor Peter. “Oh, and you have to participate in our responsive reading, which involves repeating the words, ‘muh freedoms, muh freedoms’ at least fifteen times in close succession.”
The new megamart/church is under close scrutiny by the provincial government who plan to do their utmost to do absolutely nothing about it.
“See, what we do is convince the city people we’re really serious about the pandemic,” said one provincial spokesperson, “but, at the same time convince the rural folks we don’t give a shit.”
The province also plans to send really sporadic enforcement officers to southern Manitoba Canadian Tire, Walmart and Superstore locations so as not to upset their voting base.