AUGUSTA, GA
After their recent annual meeting in which they expelled a couple churches for petty reasons, the Southern Baptist Convention is well on its way to being more dysfunctional than the Mennonites by early next year.
“That’s our goal anyway,” said Southern Baptist delegate Chris B. Bacon. “I mean the Mennonites set such a high standard when it comes to church splits over trivial details, but we’re hopeful we can catch up with them by 2024.”
In order to facilitate this goal, the Southern Baptists are striving to sow discord among the churches by making everyone watch angry political YouTube videos.
“We’re like one big family,” said Bacon. “So naturally we all hate each other.”
Bacon says they have a lot to learn from the Mennonites in this regard.
“They’re a model for us all,” said Bacon. “When it comes to church splits and infighting they have centuries of practice, but we’ll catch up with them soon. One can only hope.”
