STEINBACH, MB
Mr. Reimer was pulled over this week for ‘driving like he doesn’t know what the heck he’s doing’ aka ‘driving like a Steinbacher’. Reimer is a test subject for a new public safety campaign with the goal to curb Steinbach-style driving. At the beginning of next month, anyone caught “driving under the influence of Steinbach” will be given a hefty fine and five demerits.
“We’ve got to make things fair,” said Mr. Klassen, Obserschulze of the Mennonite Country DMV. “Let’s face it, if you’re at plus five in Steinbach, that’s the equivalent of minus ten everywhere else. Gotta even things up.”
Among the top moving violations for Steinbachers include knacking zoat while driving, going 20 in a 50 zone, failing to signal, excessive U-turns on Main Street, driving without a muffler, revving the engine just to be an ass, and scooching right up next to your lover in the truck bench seat.
“Anyone caught driving like a Steinbacher will face strict punishment,” said Klassen. “I don’t even care if you’re in Winkler or Altona. You drive like a Steinbacher and you’re gonna get nailed!”
With the new demerits will come a modest increase in licensing prices, though Steinbach residents will be allowed to pay in paska puns or buckets of schmaunt fat.
(photo credit: Chris Harrison/CC)