STEINBACH, MB
A consortium of concerned citizens has petitioned city council to abandon their plans for a state-of-the-art events centre downtown and instead build a massive 640 acre parking lot.
“I’m hoping this gets approval, because I can’t imagine anything more exciting or important for this city than excessive parking,” said a local man who was too embarrassed to be named. “Didn’t Joni Mitchell say to ‘pave paradise and put up a parking lot?'”
The group has already commissioned a crayon drawing of the new parking lot.
“Basically we’re asking the city to tear down all the existing buildings and lay down asphalt,” said the petitioner. “As you can clearly see in this drawing I did on this napkin here, the spectacular new parking lot would encompass the entire one square mile of the city’s core.”
The plan, however, wasn’t entirely clear what the new massive parking lot would be used for with all the buildings gone.
“Hey, you know, if we want to attract young people, we have to give them a place to do donuts.”
The petition, which was shot down by unanimous vote, also cited the arduous nature of having to walk more than five or six steps, and the desire to see downtown die a slow death just like Winnipeg.