STEINBACH, MB
Eager to get Steinbach back on the front of the paper this week, Winnipeg media outlets passed through town looking for something, anything, they could report on. And, lo and behold, on the south end of the city they discovered a mysterious grey obelisk they’d never noticed before.
“What the heck is that thing?” wondered one reporter. “I can’t figure it out. I’m guessing it must be some kind of religious symbol or something. This is the Bible belt now, isn’t it?”
Reporters carefully questioned Steinbach residents about the obelisk, but no one seemed to give an adequate explanation for the presence of the mysterious tower.
“I’m here in Steinbach today where this strange tower has appeared out of nowhere,” reported one media outlet. “One can only guess was strange cult-like symbolism it represents. Locals have been hesitant to discuss the matter–cagey even–with some claiming the obelisk has been here for decades. The primitive locals seem to believe they can see things in their town that us city people cannot. They also appear to imbue the tower with strange powers of refreshment, as if it somehow sustains life here for the puzzling people of Steinbach.”
Archaeologists will be town to investigate the strange phenomenon, while provincial authorities have sent in armed guards to make sure locals don’t try to perform any strange religious rituals around the object.