STEINBACH, MB
Continuing their longstanding tradition of electing Falks and Barkmans, residents of Steinbach have resoundingly decided to send Peter Falk to Ottawa.
“We were happy with Ted, but when we heard we could get Columbo in there, well, the choice was obvious,” said Mrs. Thiessen of Fernhaven Manor. “He’s the next best thing to Matlock himself!”
Falk (Peter that is) ran on a campaign of family values, low taxes, and a Peugeot 403 in every garage.
“I mean if you think Ted’s been doing a good job of calling out Trudeau on his BS, just imagine what Columbo could sleuth out,” said Mrs. Thiessen. “You can’t get anything past Peter Falk!”
Meanwhile, Peter Falk, 31, of Steinbach hasn’t even seen an episode of Columbo and is totally baffled by all the attention he’s been getting.
“I guess it’s a bit like when everyone in Winkler thought they were sending Murphy Brown to Ottawa,” said Falk. “Hey, well, I’m going to ride this wave as long as I can.”
Steinbachers have already supplied their own Peter Falk with an assistant to help him get the squint right and a linguist who’s working on translating “just one more thing” into Plautdietsch.
“I’ve got my fingers crossed,” said Mrs. Thiessen, “but if this Peter fellow doesn’t work out I’ve already got my eye on a young man who looks a lot like Gilligan and a retired farmer who’s the spitting image of Jed Clampett.”
