STEINBACH, MB
There was a stampede down Main Street Steinbach yesterday after a stray dime was dropped from Mr. Peters’ pocket. Dozens were hospitalized with a variety of injuries when thousands of locals clamoured to get their hands on the coin.
“It was sheer pandemonium,” said local safety officer Alex Siemens. “It’s impossible to determine who was the first to spot the dime, but soon after it was dropped, anyone within proximity fought to get their hands on it. People stopped their cars. There was pushing and shoving and much profanity. It’s no wonder so many got hurt. It makes me sad, actually.”
Some reports suggest the dime may have been deliberately dropped in an effort to divide and breed chaos in the normally passive community.
“It’s entirely possible the dime-dropping was deliberate,” said Siemens. “Maybe this whole ‘Mr. Peters’ story is just a cover-up. The dime could just as easily have been dropped by a drone or tossed like a grenade by covert operatives from Niverville or Ste. Anne.”
The local hospital is seeking blood donations, and an emergency shelter has been set up at the TG Smith Arena. As for the dime, itself, it has been recovered and will be taken by armoured vehicle to the local credit union where it will be held in trust until the rightful owner comes forward to claim it.
(Photo credit: by dion [oʇoɥdʞoɯɐ]/CC)