Unger & Thirst
Snake Loose in Grunthal
GRUNTHAL, MB The town of Grunthal is in high alert this week after fifteen foot long python was seen chilling on the table during faspa after church. “But, then it just went missing,” said Mr. […]
farmer sausage
The Daily Bonnet
Donald Trump Labelled ‘Morbidly Obese’ After a Few Plates of Mennonite Food
WICHITA, KS House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is attributing Donald Trump’s “morbid obesity” to a recent visit he took to Russian Mennonite country in Kansas, where he reportedly consumed three heaping bowls of komst borscht, fifteen […]
Unger & Thirst
Trump Orders Farmer Sausage Plants to Stay Open
WASHINGTON, DC In an effort to make sure that Mennonites don’t starve, U.S. President Donald Trump issued an order Tuesday afternoon to make sure the nation’s farmer sausage supply is not hindered by the global […]
Unger & Thirst
Frantic Mennonites Stockpile Hand Sanitizer, Toilet Paper, and Farmer Sausage
LA CRETE, AB Thousands of Mennonites across North America were totally freaking out at the prospect of having to quarantine themselves for a couple weeks should they be in the unfortunate situation of having not […]
Unger & Thirst
Mennonite Man Devastated by Meagre Serving of Farmer Sausage
LA CRETE, AB Mr. Krahn of La Crete has very disappointed in the “puny” portion of formavorscht he was given for supper this past Wednesday. “Looks like no more than a ring and a half!” […]