MIDDELTON, OH
A local thrift store has only a short list of items it will not accept, including cloth diapers, encyclopedia sets and, now, apparently gently-used couches formerly owned by J.D. Vance.
“Normally we can charge more for anything with a celebrity association like that,” said thrift store manager Agnes Hostetter, “but the volunteers thought in this case it would be more hassle than it’s worth. Too much cleaning.”
In an abundance of caution, the store has banned all donations of couches for the foreseeable future, with the current stock going straight to the incinerator.
“We’ve got Jakob back there working 24/7,” said Hostetter. “We want all the couches gone by the end of the week. We’ve got nothing personal against Mr. Vance. It’s just his couches we’ve got an issue with. We’re still more than willing to sell used paperback copies of Hillbilly Elegy for 25 cents.”
The thrift store also banned any items associated with Tim Walz once word got out that he was a Lutheran.