OAKVILLE, ON
Justin Wiebe, 23, of London, Ontario has just signed a lucrative $8,000,000 contract to design Mennonite-inspired Timbits and other products for Timmies locations across Canada.
“They approached me in the MB lot after the service and said, ‘Hey, you look like a man who likes baked goods,'” said Wiebe. “And the rest, as they say, is history.”
The new line of products is called Tim Wiebe’s and will feature schmaunt fat-infused Boston Creams and yerba mate-coated crullers.
“We’ve also got coffee with a hell of a lot of sugar cubes and creamers,” explained Wiebe. “Or if you want the authentic Mennonite experience, you can pretend you’re at a funeral and just dip your sugar cubes in the coffee and suck on them while the frintschoft are going up for freiwillges.”
Tim Wiebe’s products will be available at Tim Hortons locations across the country starting Monday, just so long as you’ve got valid photo ID and one of them vax cards.