REGINA, SK
Thousands of new jobs have been created by Trump’s trade war, as liquor stores across Canada have had to hire extra workers to add and remove American booze from the shelves every other day.
“We removed then restocked the shelves like 17 times yesterday alone,” said liquor store worker Diane Funk. “Every time our manager refreshed his browser, we had to make a change.”
Trump’s wildly erratic behaviour has been a boon for the Canadian shelf-stocking industry.
“Basically nobody’s buying American booze anyway,” said Funk. “But it’s the principle that matters.”
For customer Andy Kehler, one of the few Canadians who prefers the taste of pee-like beer, it was more than a little inconvenient.
“I had a case of Bud Light in my cart, but by the time I got to the register, I had to put it back,” said Kehler. “Then Trump sent out another Tweet and I tossed it back in my cart. It went in and out of my cart a dozen time before I got to the till. It was quite the ordeal.”
Shockingly, Canadian Mennonites have been unaffected by the booze ban, though there are rumours of an upcoming 25% tariff on wagging fingers and disapproving glares.