OTTAWA, ON
Protestors gathered in the nation’s capital this weekend are demanding that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau “come out of hiding” and appear before them in “one of them dunk tank things we’ve got set up.”
“I told you he was too cowardly to face us,” said Darryl from Leamington. “We have a list of demands and on top of that list is Justin Trudeau in a dunk tank!”
Heard above the calls for “freedom” and an end to lockdowns, was a unanimous shout to let them all toss water balloons at the sitting Prime Minister.
“Our protest is about many things–I don’t agree with them all–but our unifying theme, the thing that brings us all together here in Ottawa,” said Darryl, “is more than a mild disdain for Justin Trudeau. Quite frankly, I think we’d all just go home if he came out in swim trunks and sat there for a few minutes.”
After the setup of the dunk tank, the GoFundMe campaign soared to over $10 million in donations, the funds of which will be funnelled exclusively to paying for dunk tank tosses.
“At a dollar a toss,” said head tosser Darryl, “we’re hoping at least one of those balloons will strike the target.”
In other news, Conservative leader Erin O’Toole has not yet responded to a petition from 35 of his own MPs requesting that he appear in the dunk tank himself by the end of the week. In response, MP Candice Bergen said that if neither leader is ready to take the plunge, she’d be more than willing to go in the tank herself.
