WINNIPEG, MB
Linguists at the University of Southern La Crete have finally uncovered the hidden language behind the incessant honking of horns heard in cities across Canada: Low German.
“I know it may sounds like incoherent noise pollution to you, but it’s actually a sophisticated language,” said Professor Larry Bickert. “Two short honks and a long blare means ‘Trudeau is such a schwaa,’ while three shot beeps followed by an audible fart through a loud speaker means ‘diewel devil schinda, I hate masks!'”
Bickert figured out the code while watching the noisy trucks cruise down the highway from the border to the city.
“I call it the Morris Code,” said Bickert, “since that’s where I first unlocked the mystery.”
Other messages uncovered by Bickert include five quick toots of the horn which means, ‘could you run to the store; I’m all out of schnetje?’ and a sustained 200-decibel blast which means, ‘Holem de gruel, I could use a good stiff drink by now.'”
“A few of them even tried honking in High German, but that was considered too posh and they were told to quit,” said Bickert. “One man even honked all seventeen verses of his favourite hymn.”
A counter-protest is being planned for tomorrow afternoon where locals intend to surround the truckers and honk the Plautdietsch equivalent of “shut the hell up; I’m trying to get some sleep already.”