FRESNO, CA
After recently discovering the dark underbelly of Tesla CEO Elon Musk, area man Art Klippenstein is relieved to know he drives a car with absolutely no association with right-wing authoritarian politics.
“I was looking at those Teslas about 5 or 6 years ago,” said Klippenstein. “My cousin Susan got one. So did my nephew Greg. Boy, I’d hate to be them right about now. I’m sure glad I went with the Volkswagen Jetta instead.”
Klippenstein apparently drives his VW Jetta all around Fresno with the smug confidence of a man who knows nothing about 20th century history.
“Ahh, this VW sure was a good purchase,” said Klippenstein. “It’s not every vehicle that comes with such a squeaky clean history. If there was ever a guilt-free purchase, it’s a Volkswagen, that’s for sure.”
Klippenstein is urging all his Tesla-owning friends and relatives to trade theirs in for a VW.
“Hey, at those prices, you could probably get two or three,” said Klippenstein. “But more importantly, you’ll be relieving your conscience of all the guilt associated with driving a car built by Elon Musk. Much better to drive something that originated in 1930s Germany.”