MORDEN, MB
In a recent sting operation, the Winkler Vice Squad have arrested yet another Winklerite drinking at the Morden Bar. The unnamed individual has been arraigned under charges of Treason, Heresy, and Drinking in Moderation.
“This is the fifth individual we’ve caught this month,” said Vice Squad spokesperson Brenda Banman. “Thankfully our under-cover operatives are easily able to identify Winklerites at Morden bars. We just look for the people sitting quietly in the back, avoiding eye contact and looking uneasy. Usually they’re wearing suspenders and sunglasses.”
Recently, Morden bars have been heavily advertising and recruiting Winklerites to enjoy a beverage in their establishments.
“They’re trying to corrupt our Mennonite principals of pretending not to drink,” said Banman. “People should be drinking at home alone in their own homes with the curtains closed. If we don’t maintain that facade, then everything falls apart.”
The Winkler Vice Squad is also closely monitoring Winkler women to make sure they are properly attired in Mennonite garb, even when they venture into the wilds of Morden.
“Just because you visit Modern doesn’t mean you toss all your morality into the trash bin,” said Banman. “I know that Morden offers a lot of temptations, but as good Winklerites we must learn to resist them.”
(photo credit: frankieleon/CC)
