WINNIPEG, MB
Local man Harold Dyck has just been granted a full pardon and solemn apology from the Premier after mistakenly been given a parking ticket when he was clearly “out there protesting injustice or something.”
“You can park wherever you want, you can violate noise bylaws, you can even block off your neighbour’s driveway, as long as you’re, like, umm, protesting something,” said Dyck. “As for me and my house, we will not let up on our protesting until all the unjust parking tickets in the world are expunged!”
Dyck was on his way to pick up some groceries when he parked his F-150 in a handicap spot, which he claimed was all just part of his “protest.”
“Just going out for a carton of milk, dear,” said Dyck. “Oh, I mean, just going out for a protest, dear.”
According to the City of Winnipeg, from now on everyone can park wherever the hell they want as long as they have a minor grievance of some sort.
“Upset about the poor quality of potatoes and cheese in your perogies? Park somewhere illegally and make a lot of noise. Pissed off about the state of your neighbour’s driveway? Keep him up all night honking your horn,” said Constable Willy Wanker. “Remember, everyone, the laws do not apply to minorly inconvenienced angry men in trucks.”
Winnipeg authorities are calling for a totally legal week-long purge where all crimes are permitted so long as a white man is upset about something.
(photo credit: kdingo/CC)